long lost

very first contact w with art was through a playmate of mine

she's a well-groomed kid,

coming from money

hard-faced soft features

but her lasting, lasting impression was

her 

somewhat

against-the-world ness.

she was just a kid and i'm not glorifying.

she had no friend, now that i think about it

it didn't matter then

it didn't matter now.

she was poignant.

i was so attracted to her; i remember being her only playmate

she'd talk, i'd listen

she'd do things, i'd laugh

she'd say something weird i'd think it over and over

we didn't really play, more like

she played and i played along.

there's a lot of things she did that mesmerized me

ga unearthly but i was a kid and it was strange.

kl sekarang w mikirin the idea of her being

it's, like, something i'd imagine as art introducing itself to me

'hi i'm art'

tanpa w pernah baca atau peduli what art is.

bc i was just a kid.

terus menambah ke artsy annya

she moved when we were eleven.

i rushed to her 45mins away house with my mother and caught the car literally closing its doors

so she opened, ran home, and gave away the stuffed bear

and i gave her my gift.

w inget w gapernah associate her with any kind of attachment,

she's just there and i was just a constantly on feet-edge, participative spectator,

so it was surprising that i cried very, very hard.

she didnt cry of course (why didn't she???).

although susah didefine

it was a relationship i genuinely value.

but as i am acutely allergic to foreign familiarity

w gamau 

ketemu lagi

i'll preserve her concept, her memory 

but that'll be that.

art is a big part of my life now so

in a way

she is,

too.


(((hello from the other side)))