with all the brain cells ive been racing these months
i thought my heart had atrophied
well i thought wrong.
its weird getting called annoying when youve been really careful or trying to make sure multiple times with every party that whatever u did is anything but that. its not like you havent discussed your borders--you have, and thats why it stings even worse. it seems like friendship doesnt work that way. so its a wrong theory. whatever.
well maybe my heart doesnt. my emotional inhibition does. i feel stupid cz even then, i dont dare attaching 'annoying' to any of my friend. it sounds like a strong word. it is a strong accusation. it feels too much like a verbal abuse--or thought abuse, just to think that of someone i am friend with. maybe i am that annoying friend everyone has, which explains why i dont have the muscle to be annoyed at them. i dont know. i just feel bad.
i dont know why i even tried?
people are born alone and die alone
yeah. theres that. maybe i shouldnt do social hassles in the first place, since i somehow always end up annoying people
(still not annoyed just sad)